


have heart, my dear

by Ashii Black (ashiiblack)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Seasons, Time Skips, Yuri is 17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:45:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13885896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashiiblack/pseuds/Ashii%20Black
Summary: The second year of Yuri and JJ's relationship hits some bumps with distance, but they always find a way back to each other. Written for Pliroy Week Day 6: Seasons.





	have heart, my dear

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is very loosely inspired by "Run" by Snow Patrol - at the very least that was the tone I was going for. Many thanks to Icicle for listening to me rant about this fic nonstop for the last week.

_~Summer~_

Yuri hates goodbyes. He hates them on the phone, on Skype, and via text. He especially hates them at the airport.

JJ holds onto Yuri with almost crushing force, running his hands along Yuri's back. Yuri buries his face into the nape of JJ's neck. He's gotten taller since they first started dating. Instead of standing on his tiptoes, Yuri has to drop his head down to find a comfortable spot.

He breathes in the mixed scent of JJ's cologne, soap, and shampoo. It's intoxicating and Yuri wishes they could stay like this forever.

Goodbyes seem to be even harder a year into their relationship. Yuri used to act nonchalant about it; he'd scoff at JJ's tears and wipe his own once they parted ways. Now, he knows that one less hug and kiss is only detrimental to him. At this point, he'd rather his pride be briefly wounded.

"I love you, Chaton. _So much_." JJ rests his chin on the top of Yuri's head and he squeezes Yuri's shirt.

Yuri's eyes sting. "You too."

JJ tilts Yuri's chin up with his fingers and presses one last kiss to his lips. Kissing JJ is dizzying, electrifying even. Yuri doesn't give a shit that they're in a crowded airport and JJ kisses as passionately as he does with everything else in life. As JJ breaks the kiss, Yuri's lips follow JJ's, desperate not to end this yet. They still have a few more minutes before Yuri has to go.

They are in their final few days before they need to begin serious training for the upcoming season. It's unlikely Yuri will get to see JJ until Skate Canada, which is in three months. By then, it will be autumn and the leaves will be changing color.

JJ squeezes Yuri's hand. "I'll call you every day."

Yuri sighs. "I know you will."

They kiss one more time and Yuri boards the plane with Viktor. He pretends he doesn’t know why Viktor showed up.

"I still don’t get why you had to show up in Montreal."

Viktor buckles his seat and stretches out in his first class seat. Apparently he thought first class tickets would help cheer up Yuri. "Don’t you remember our conversation before you left?"

Yuri nods. He had been stupid and vulnerable and had confided in _Viktor_ of all people.

"You can’t move to Canada, Yura. Russia needs you, especially after your gold medal performance at the Olympics."

Yuri wants to scream the words, _but I need him_. He wants to yell at Viktor that he deserves to be selfish. He had a nonexistent childhood. Now, for the first time, he has someone Yuri can call _his_. He doesn’t want to let that go.

"I was just being dramatic, Vitya. Don't worry."

He reclines his seat and falls into a fitful sleep for the eight hour flight to their connecting flight in Warsaw. Viktor continues to try and cheer him up by buying him a couple mini bottles of vodka, but Yuri can’t bring himself to care. Viktor is coming home to the man he loves. Yuri is coming home to an empty apartment.

Yuri checks his phone and sees a slew of texts from JJ. He smiles and drops several naughty pictures into a private folder.

They have enough time between flights for Yuri to call JJ. He answers in a sleepy voice, and Yuri’s thoughts go to their early morning lovemaking the day before.

"Hey asshole."

"How was your flight?"

Yuri stretches and leans against the wall. "Long, but I guess it was okay."

"I went to practice today." JJ pauses. "I’m doing five quads again."

"Are you sure your knee can handle that?" Yuri tries not to sound too concerned. "You were out for three weeks after Pyeongchang."

"My physical therapist did an exam after and I’m fine. Plus, Yuri-chan, you understand."

Yuri does. He knows if he wants to make the podium, he will also need five quads. He’s seventeen now and has a lot more power than he did when he was younger. As much as he loves JJ, he refuses to make a win easy for him.

They talk for a few moments longer, not talking about anything in particular. Yuri just needs to hear JJ’s voice. Finally, the plane begins boarding and Yuri says goodbye yet again to JJ.

 

_~Fall~_

They slam the door of JJ’s hotel room - why Viktor insists on Yuri have his own he has no idea - behind them. Yuri kisses JJ furiously, unbothered by their teeth clacking together. It feels as though Yuri is finally whole again, and his body is on fire as JJ grips his skin with bruising force.

JJ walks them across the room, pausing to push Yuri against the wall and squeeze his ass. Yuri doesn't mind, grinding his body against JJ's. It's been far too long since they've done this.

Somehow, they make it to the bed. Yuri falls on top of the mattress and wraps his legs around JJ’s hips, rubbing their erections together through their pants. Their first time together after months apart like this is embarrassingly quick, but they have the chance to take their time after the competition is over.

"I’m so happy to see you, Chaton." JJ presses wet kisses behind Yuri’s ear, sending shivers down his spine.

JJ’s hand opens Yuri’s fly with speed, and he takes out his cock. Yuri throws his head back against the bed, rutting into JJ’s fingers. He pulls JJ back down into a kiss, loving the feel of their lips pressed together.

Yuri is scared. He’s gotten better at telling JJ what he needs and wants, but it’s still hard to be vulnerable, to tell JJ how much he loves him - how much he _needs_ this. Sometimes it feels as though their fiery relationship is exactly that - all consuming. He wonders if the hurt, the longing, the sadness, is truly worth it in the end.

"I love you so much, Yuri." JJ continues to stroke Yuri, twisting his wrist just the way he likes it.

He looks into JJ’s wide blue eyes and lets out an embarrassing sob as he reaches his climax. JJ doesn’t take his eyes off him.

Sometimes, Yuri thinks he doesn't have to tell JJ anything. When he looks at Yuri like this, it's like he can see his every thought. JJ somehow already knows everything. He lets out a sigh of contentment and pulls JJ closer.

"You're going to get my shirt messy." JJ lays on top of Yuri anyway.

He presses a kiss to JJ's neck. "Do you - want?"

JJ curls up against Yuri's neck and sprawls out on the bed. "I wouldn't say no, but I also just want to spend time with you."

Yuri runs his fingers through JJ's hair. "You got a haircut."

"Mmmm yeah. Scratch right there?"

He gives the back of JJ's head a scratch and grins as JJ practically purs. And they say _he's_ catlike.

"I know that we're rivals now that the season's started, but I'm glad I get to see you more."

JJ's words hang in the air for a pause. Yuri closes his eyes. He hates this part of the night, where they realize that their time together is always cut short. "Yeah."

"Have you given any more thought to moving to Canada? My parents would-"

"You know I can't do that, JJ." He pinches JJ's ear, hoping to avoid a fight.

JJ may be dense, but he seems to pick up on the hint. He kisses Yuri gently on the lips and rolls off him, stretching his arms over his head and exposing his hip bone. Yuri eyes him up and down and crawls on top of him, wanting to make the most of their time together before the competition begins.

As they kiss again, Yuri sets aside his worries. He doesn't want to think about the gnawing feeling in his gut that their relationship is like the trees outside losing their leaves one at a time.

 

_~Winter~_

As snow falls in thick white sheets in Vancouver, Yuri punches the wall to his hotel room and wails in pain. He drops to his knees and lets out choked sobs, slumping against the bed. His body shakes uncontrollably. _How could this happen?_

Fourth place.

He hasn't placed below the podium since before he moved up to seniors. Yuri fell on a jump in his short program and popped three jumps in his free skate. It made no sense. He had timed his fitness to peak for the Grand Prix Final. Why had his body failed him?

The fear in his gut told him the answer - his mind had been elsewhere the entire season. In Canada. He'd wasted his time on Skype with JJ, taking any opportunity to call or text him instead of focusing on his training. Even as he skated, Yuri thought about getting to stay with JJ before nationals. He was stupid and ruined a spot on the podium. He can't keep doing this.

A knock sounds at his door and he ignores it, clutching his knuckles. He should ice it before Viktor sees what he's done. Viktor will yell at him if he sees the blood.

He hears the sound of a keycard clicking in his door, then it opens. JJ stands in the doorframe, looking at him with concern. At least he has the decency not to bring the fucking gold medal with him.

"What happened?"

Yuri scrunches up his face and he spits venom. He doesn't give a shit what he's asking about. " _You_ happened, JJ. I was doing fine without you, and look at me now. I'm a fucking loser."

JJ looks stung, but he closes the door behind him and crosses the room, sitting beside Yuri. "I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_?" Yuri scoffs and wipes at his face. "What good will that do?"

He wants to hit JJ; he wants to make him feel as bad as Yuri does right now. Instead, JJ is sitting there doing nothing. "I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better."

"This is all your fault. You won and I didn't. You must - you don't feel the same way I do."

"You don't mean that."

Yuri can't look at JJ. Instead, he rubs his knuckles again and tries to fight back his tears. "I do."

He still won't respond; he won't fight like Yuri wants him to. His tears spill over. Yuri wants to make this pain stop. "I hate this."

"I know." JJ runs his fingers through his hair. Yuri can tell he feels uncomfortable, but he isn't reacting. He wants to make him feel the same way Yuri feels. Like a loser.

Yuri says the first words that come to him. "I can't do this anymore."

JJ is silent and drops his head, and Yuri wishes he could take it back. Because even though he doesn't want to deal with the pain of long distance, he can't bear the thought of not being with JJ.

"Is there someone else?" JJ's words are low and his voice breaks and he's finally reacting. Yuri doesn’t feel any satisfaction from it. "Did you cheat on me?"

Part of him wants to lie and say yes, to make him hurt worse. But he can't. He could never do that to the man he loves. He shakes his head. " _Never_. It's - every time I say goodbye to you -" His eyes fill with tears again and he's back to being weak and pathetic. "I hate it. And it's only gotten harder."

"I know, Chaton." JJ reaches out for Yuri's bruised hand and runs his thumb along the cut. Yuri hisses in pain, but doesn't pull his hand away. "Do you really want that? You really want to -"

JJ turns his tear-filled eyes up to Yuri and it's in that moment that he knows he could never leave him. It isn't fair to blame JJ for his fuckups, as easy as it may be. Yuri "I want _you_ , JJ."

He gives Yuri a sad smile and squeezes his hand. "You can have me any way you want me, Yuri."

Yuri crushes their lips together, the need to be close to JJ overtaking him.

 

_~Spring~_

Yuri knows that JJ's pulled back lately. They talk less on the phone now and they no longer text late into the night. It's probably out of some sense of duty to make sure Yuri isn't too distracted. He managed to scrape a silver medal at Worlds, so he guesses that it makes a strong end to his season.

It doesn't feel good for his relationship.

Viktor's asked Yuri to come to the rink early. Now that it's April and the off-season, Yuri has no idea why he has to wake up at 6AM just to look at the ice. Maybe Katsudon has finally decided to announce his retirement.

He tries calling JJ but he doesn't pick up, so he walks to the rink in silence. The snow is finally melted and he sees flowers beginning to bloom.

The door is already unlocked, so Yuri goes inside and begins stretching against the rink.

"Morning, Yura."

Yuri glances over to Viktor, acknowledges his presence, then turns back and continues stretching. "What do you want?"

Viktor approaches Yuri and sits on the rink wall. "I know that the season hasn’t _fully_ wound down yet but I wanted to let you know I've decided to take on a new skater for next season and he's going to start working with me now."

He stops stretching and looks up at Viktor. Usually Yuri is privy to all of the gossip about skaters switching coaches, but he’s heard nothing about Viktor taking on a new athlete. "Are you serious?"

"I am. In fact, I asked him to come meet us here since you're going to be training together."

"Hey, Yuri-chan."

Yuri freezes and turns. JJ is standing behind them with a sheepish look on his face. He’s just as gorgeous as always, wearing a tight pair of jeans and a Team Canada jacket. He frowns and puts two and two together. Viktor took on a new skater and JJ is here. "What?"

Viktor nods at JJ and stands. "I'll let Leroy tell you."

Yuri and JJ watch Viktor leave, then turn back to each other. After a few moments of silence Yuri speaks slowly. "You moved to St. Petersburg."

JJ takes Yuri's hands in his. "You were right, Yuri. We couldn't keep doing that. It was killing me to be apart from you for that long. So after the Grand Prix Final, I started begging Viktor to coach me. I finally convinced him last month. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I was being ridiculous and hyperbolic."

He snorts. Yuri still can't believe that JJ is standing here at his home rink in St. Petersburg. "I still think you're being ridiculous and hyperbolic."

"Well, I tried." JJ shrugs. "Yuri, I love you. And since you can't come to Montreal, I decided to come to you. Plus, I'm sure Viktor can teach me a lot."

Yuri is still in shock, but it's finally starting to sink in that JJ is staying in St. Petersburg. No more goodbyes for months at a time. "Where will you live?"

JJ bites his lip and raises an eyebrow. "Viktor said he can find an apartment, but I was hoping you might want me to stay with you?"

"That's a dangerous request, Leroy. I might not let you out of my bed." Yuri is elated and he can't think of anything better to end this season with.

"I'm willing to take that risk." JJ closes the distance between them in more ways than one and pulls him into a deep kiss.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr!](http://ashiiblack.tumblr.com)


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